Busy weekend

It is late now but I still want to write because I just finished one round of crying.
In many ways, I am relieved, I havent cried in a while. Unfortunately, I have to cry privately.My DH cannot stand it.

The reason I am writing is that I want to celebrate the many things we accomplished this weekend. and to analyse, what happened a few hours ago for me to have a complete meltdown??

Well, first of all, Friday was nice, dad gave S a great foot massage and he was down sleeping in half hour. we woke up the next morning, and had a mini argument. Well... it was about going outside for breakfast, We usually go to the nearby coffee shop and I wondered if we should try something new, and as usual, my husband did not want to. And as usual , I was not saying or suggesting this for myself.. it is always for S and him to have some new exposure.
Anyway, I got tired just convincing everybody to get out for breakfast, both kids had milk and then later had cereal, lunch was ready, D was taken for dance lessons and I put s down in his play pen for his nap on time.
He screamed bloody murder .. tried hard to get out and finally fell asleep on time.
I had two patients in the hospital and quickly went and completed my rounds and notes and got back before he woke up.
Then we all went to the childrens museum.This is the second time we have gone and mainly inspite of my fatigue and lethargy, I pushed myself for the kids.

Sanjay is slowly getting used to the carousel, the toy train, the other things, the crowds, the people( whom he does not notice), .... but he will.
I have been to this museum when D was little then, stopped.
there were a lot of interesting things written all over the museum which caught my eye.
" Play is the earliest form of learning"
"Play begins with anticipation" Ready set ... go.

I dont remember the others, but boy.. I never thought of play in that sense ... but S does not know how to play?

We got back and on the way bought pizza and the kids had a ball !!!
Sunday morning, we did go for breakfast to the coffee shop .. I loved it. I like to get an early start on my weekends , that gives me the most mileage. I hate to wake up late and drag my feet ( which is what I usually do).

Got back, did more play, and had lunch, nap and finished work at the hospital.
Then got back, played some more and went outside, the temp in 40-50s and played.. then went to petsmart. D wanted to see kitties and wants one desparately, ... NO thanks.
I also hope that S would take some interest in the birds, fish at petsmart,
No luck there.

it will come.
It has to come.

we came back, played more outside and came inside and then nothing. just chilled. meaning kids watched tv and S stimmed. Fine... big deal.Sometimes we all need to.

My mil called me, usually she is my strength and inspiration. She makes me feel good. She did make me feel better but she asked me what the doctors felt about S and I told her that autism is a incurable disorder. She was shocked and so was I !
I said it.
Autism is a incurable disease.
I could not stand it. I immediately started telling her about the various success stories of kids who are doing well/recovered?? around me...
I kept getting sucked into this mode and finally cried.why me, why S, please God help me... mode.

I am better now.